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29-Jan-2020 23:50

One of her friends chose to have sex with a lover after breaking up with him; she said even in the midst of ending the relationship, she wanted to “be generous in spirit.” While I don’t necessarily advocate taking things that far (in part because it can create confusion), I embrace the sentiment. Now, as tempted as I am to just repost his article and comment line by line, I want to get down into the meat of some of what he’s talking about here with regards to “cutoff culture”, closure and the psychic toll of breaking up with someone.

One thing that’s impossible to miss – as the always-excellent Captain Awkward points out – is that this entire rant is dripping with entitlement.

Break-ups are the ending of relationships, the cutting of ties.

Once you’ve broken up with somebody, they don’t owe you anything except giving your shit back.

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Last week, several of my readers forwarded me an article on Medium called “Shining Light on Cutoff Culture“, a think piece by one Jeff Reifman, about closure and communication.After nearly a year of silence, I reached out to her and we began a series of conversations toward repairing our friendship. She stopped responding to my email and when I called to inquire she blocked my number and emailed me to stop contacting her.She said she had recently begun dating someone new and I think it was difficult for her to talk to me about our relationship. Over a space of nine months, I wrote her two kind emails in the spirit of healing.There are occasional concern-troll-y musings about how this is bad for the one doing the cut-off as well – the subtitle, after all is “Cutting off exes not only hurts our former partners Cutoff culture is violent in its own ways.



It's natural to want closure after a break up. But does "cutoff culture" and a lack of closure *really* hurt us and our exes?… continue reading »


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