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For the tax-averse, the Medium Lobster suggests a final, more direct approach: simply weight the votes of the economically-disadvantaged as counting less than those of a normal, healthy, wealthy American. "People go 'Oh the hippos they are so terrible' but if people fed them they would not be so hungry an dangerous.""You can't beat hippos with blankets an love!

One could count the votes of those living beneath the poverty line as, say, three-fifths of a vote, thus correcting for their undue over-representation and thereby creating a smaller pool of more competent, deliberative voters.

As some a you know me an Giblets proudly treasure our Sri Lankan heritage an so we have always celebrated Halloween an its deep Sri Lankan roots. And the moment America wavers before terror is the moment Freedom itself will die. I'm sittin in Orlok's Diner right now havin a mug a root beer an a slice a fresh lizard pie in Mole City where John Kerry an George Bush have both visited in the past two days. Tragically, occasional efforts to account for voter intent has often conflicted with democracy's higher, more noble calling. And while the reality of Iraq may have steadily deteriorated, the idea of Iraq becomes brighter and brighter every day - and George Bush has stood for that idea, as he has stood for the idea of nuclear proliferation, even while scaling back on Nunn-Lugar and coddling Pakistan; as he has stood for the rebuilding of Afghanistan, even while consistently cutting corners on its funding; as he has stood for protecting the environment, even while gutting a host of environmental regulations dating back to the Nixon era; as he has stood for Homeland Security, even while dangerously underfunding actual security in ports, on borders, and in America's largest cities; as he has stood for civil liberties, even while supporting an amendment to make every gay American a second-class citizen and claiming the right to suspend the Geneva conventions. He voted three thousand twenty-two times to support the 'I Love Being A Liberal! Or to put it in a positive light: Does John Kerry feel confident about winnin the Atheists and Heathens vote? He really needs to talk comfortably about his faith more. If you vote for him he will show you what Optimism looks like."Is Roe v Wade our Dred Scott? " says me after we finish burning Zombie Lincoln."Man I hope not," says Giblets. "Giblets is sittin in the pumpkin patch waitin for Osama bin Laden. He does this every year."Giblets you will catch cold," says me. "Nothing is outside the text, including Derrida.""Then he couldn't die," says me. John Kerry handles himself by amblin around stage in a folksy manner to win the confidence of his audience. "We will stuff an preserve it on our next trip."Next time we will capture an tag a group of taxis to study their fascinatin migratory patterns. Change You Can Suspend Your Disbelief In The Legend of Benjamin Healy Fat Old Sun First Contact!

The roots of the first Halloween began in Sri Lanka where once a year an ancient symbolic battle was re-enacted between Nature, symbolized by a chieftain in ceremonial headdress, an pumpkins, as symbolized by delicious pumpkins! Some of you may be saying, "Ah, but the fact that bin Laden is still alive is proof of the Bush administration's failure in the war on terror - proof that we shouldn't vote for him! Osama bin Laden's back - an just in time for Halloween too! Four years ago if you'd said the Kingdom of the Mole Men would be a battleground state somebody would say you were crazy. This time you're in Orlok's Diner askin him about the election an eatin lizard pie."Upworlder filth! "Orlok kill upworlders and feed their skulls to lavabeast! This is why the reduction of the voting electorate is critical to the maintenance of democracy. ""Then we are helpless before their power," says me. And in this we see that the George Bush presidency has elevated not only conventional politics, but the presidency itself, to an ideal: the president is no longer an executive who acts, but an Icon, who represents that which ordinary presidents hope to achieve by way of acting. "After a couple hours a hittin Chris with a flag we finally dropped him in one a the Work Receptacles to be picked up by his corporate masters for a hearty day's labor. Why stick to an either/or when you can have a both/and! You will love it an hate it an it will provide you everythin you need in the world! You know this because the Puritans told you so, an they were right about everythin that didn't involve burnin Quakers at the stake! And hopefully your children's lives, as we work towards a bold new future consisting almost entirely of part-time and temporary workers devoid of health benefits and working increasingly in low-paying service jobs! There are seventy thousand dead in Darfur an I'm watchin TV. Like George Bush does when he says "Being gay is a choice between Americans, their God, and the holy fire that consumes their cities."But notice how the president was very compassionate on that one, talkin bout how gay people have the freedom to be gay. "Osama isn't comin this year.""Yes he will yes he will! "Every election Osama bin Laden flies around the world to visit the least sincere pumpkin patch and its political campaign and he'll visit Giblets's this time! We threw a Deathday Party to undermine the hegemonic life/death binary but for some reason everybody was still kinda sad."I don't get it," says me. "After all if he did he would be reinforcin the hegemonic Dead Derrida/Live Derrida binary.""We must deconstruct Derrida's death! At one point he builds a barn, which prompts the audience's lone Amish member to comment "Good work, English." George Bush tends to assert his strength in the debate by jumpin up behind John Kerry, clubbing audience members over the head with a wrench, an by launching himself out of a cannon wearin a unitard emblazoned with the logo "The Mighty Thor."George Bush laughs off a question on the draft by calling it a "rumor on the internets." His sweat then causes his secret wired earpiece to spark and set his suit on fire, which John Kerry extinguishes with his pack of concealed notes. There is always more to learn from the strange an savage yet beautiful world of the jungle. Things To Do Slavoj Zizek Boxes a Norwegian Red Vinland Ho Conifers At The Opera Urgent!

A big ol dog has a lotta resolve which you need in a president. It is up to patriotic citizens like Voters Outreach of America to take matters into their own hands. You stop bein small an weak an listen to why you should vote! * So listen up cause today we're gonna FAF THE VOTE! That's why you might hear Chris Matthews say "John Kerry voted to bust spending caps 277 times radish pinky octopus."Here is a preview of Reasons To Vote just to get you started! Like one that says that John Kerry is a liberal or that John Kerry is a terrorist or that John Kerry is gay. But now you will see Giblets For John Kerry has pulled a cheap and tawdry political trick.

The dog is also tough on other dogs, postal workers, small children, plants an stuff that looks like plants. Alas, the Bush Administration, cowed by the lobbying powerhouse that is Big Voter, moved nowhere on this pressing issue. Perhaps I should just shred my voter registration card or perhaps vote for Ralph Nader."An I go Shut up people! If we don't vote, none of us will be 'Survivors' - of democracy! Therefore if that than which a greater cannot be imagined is in the understanding alone, that very thing than which a greater cannot be imagined is something than which a greater can be imagined. There exists, therefore, beyond doubt something than which a greater cannot be imagined, both in the understanding and in reality."-St. These soundbites will then be taken even further out of context by rival spinners and talking heads until they are told an retold, like the great epics of oral tradition, or a game of Telephone! *unless any more important campaign ads are released that demand the attention of the Fafblog News Team! Like when he's ordered a pizza and it hasn't shown up or somesuch.

"They never even found out her name.""An when they went to her granma's house to return her hook hand her granma was all 'She died thirty years ago - on the night of her prom! "The people are gettin tired of it.""Nuts to the people! ""An the workers that got trampled were the most gloriously trampled workers ever," says me."Or the army of dancin robot apemen! "That was just cool.""It may have cost three trillion dollars but it's three trillion dollars worth a cool," says me."History will exhonerate us," says Giblets. "It goes on an on an on like a snake swallowin its own tail! Fafblog will keep you updated on the national crisis as it develops. On a videotape today, Osama bin Laden spoke - and in doing, he committed an act of terrorism - terrorism of words. Or those who are evidently too addled to make sense of ballots such as this one? "You can only get kids explosives there.""I hear John Kerry claims to have eaten all the marshmallow charms that come in Lucky Charms cereal," says me. But even in launching a bold, ambitious, and dangerous gamble to remake the Middle East by planting a modernized, liberal democracy in its midst, George W. We now have "armies of compassion." This isn't your wimpy, pussy compassion, Fafnir. Well what if I don't LIKE forced penicillin injections, John Kerry? The Poor Man has alerted Giblets to the fact that the director of "Going Upriver: The Long War of John Kerry" has now placed this film online, free for download, right here. And as Ruler of the Internet he declares that none shall be able to watch this film because Giblets will not show it!

""An all she left behind was her hook hand in the door a their car," says me. "If we had it to do over again I think we shoulda gotten a bigger coalition of other countries to invade themselves.""An there's the Glorious Worker Initiative! "Where we replaced all bourgeois factory management with glorious elephants to bring glory to common worker! We also understand that Homeland Security agents have already raided a Blockbuster's in Shelbyville, Kentucky. The words of the world's greatest terrorist have made it clear: we must re-elect the man who failed to catch him, so he may continue to let him roam free. " Mole men are also pretty big on national security. But the poor economy of the Mole Kingdom has given John Kerry a new opening. Do we really want the participation of voters who are easily intimidated from voting by the mere assignment of felon status? " says me."Nah, I just went to Wal-Mart," says Giblets blowin up the TV. Although they had a great deal at Kid Kablooie - 380 tons of explosives for the price of 300 tons of explosives.""That's a good deal on explosives! "But Kid Kablooie is more of a kids store.""Yeah," says Giblets chuckin some explosives at the cat. And that was an idea the world's only superpower had to confront with real troops. Giblets has fallen asleep in the onion dip watchin Larry King Live! Phil is explainin to me about the epidemic of oral sex in our middle schools. Compassion is on the march too as George Bush is pointing out. He also points out that John Kerry's health care plan will require thousands of government cyborgs to be stationed in your homes to inject you with penicillin every day. Man that is so twenty years ago" an then Iran feels all stupid an goes "well we were just usin them for energy purposes" an we go "well that's what says" an just to prove they're cool Iran throws out their nukes! And yet, the opportunity to vote for John Kerry could open that terrifying Pandora's box. When you shred somebody else's voter registration card do you make Uncle Sam cry or do you just make Big Daddy Partisan Tricks happy? We're gonna take a look at these issues today with another edition of Point, Counterpoint, Counter-Counterpoint. The Medium Lobster will go second cause he has the second most Buddha-nature. Q: What if we invade Iran to shut down their nuclear program? A: We could use clever "reverse psychology" by throwing out all our nukes an gettin all our friends to throw out all nukes an then go "Hey Iran, are you still tryin to make nukes? Q: We're currently so short of troops that the Pentagon is sending its training units into combat in Iraq. Phil Carter says this is like "eating your own seed corn."A: But what he won't tell you is that seed corn is the most delicious corn of all! In the Global War Against Islamism, the United States cannot waver in its dedicatio to a unilateral, state-based approach to fighting asymmetrical, non-state threats. ""I went as the unquenchable consumption of our limited resources," says Giblets. " says me."This one tells me why role-playing games are witchcraft," says Giblets. We need a president that will send the right message to the terrorists. On November 2 vote for a leader with resolve an determination. In the nonstop panic attack that is the modern American national security climate, it is difficult to see who may best lead America... For while many things may be unclear in the heady rhetoric of the campaign season, one thing is certain: Giblets will destroy you if you do not vote for him. It is not a question of "if" but of "when." The only question left is: which leader do you trust to handle an attack by Giblets? Giblets is a massive world-endangering force of nature and to turn back the force of this awesome Gibletsian tide America must turn... How serious are John Kerry and George Bush about protecting America from Giblets? The city fathers and the graybeard authorities will be left clucking at the audacity of his fantastical menagerie of fucks! Leen's The Two Americas the other day an ponderin the tragedy of our divided nation. An come to understand that in the warming light of universal peace an harmony we are all God's children. And how much more political can you get to use minority status to divide a country?

""I got apples an coupons for french fries an pennies an evangelical religious tracts! That shows real determination which is important because we cannot wait for evidence of the squeaky toy ball when the evidence could come in the form of a mushroom cloud. There is only one candidate who understands Giblets and the threat posed by Giblets my friends. Other candidates believe that Giblets can be handled with "police operations" or "reduced to nuisance levels." Giblets knows better. Giblets is a threat to Western civilization - a threat to freedom itself! Only Giblets can protect America from Giblets because only Giblets "gets" Giblets. Q: It seems like you're working on updated plans for an emergency draft of medical personnel... "Hi my name is John Kerry an I am having gay sex with Osama bin Laden while planning to raise taxes on your aborted fetuses an I approve this message." That would really give me insight into who I should vote for. How much more personal can you get than by dragging someone's sexuality into the political arena to score a couple cheap political points?America, democracy, and Freedom Itself would be all the better for it."The moon is eclipsed! When you throw a squeaky toy ball a big ol dog won't just chase the squeaky toy boll. He'll even chase the squeaky toy ball when you don't actually throw it but just pretend to throw it an he won't give up for a long time either! Ha ha, we are laughing because the idea is soooo silly! "Oh no we are afraid of the enraged Fafnir" you say cause you're so small an weak. with some neat little bipartisan arguments for getti out there an votin! In fact it is so cool that you should want to be more cool by voting as well! Look at Chief Justice William Rehnquist of the Supreme Court! Or MAYBE one that says John Kerry is a gay liberal terrorist! He has brought up the fact that Dick Cheney has an openly gay daughter. And he did it for filthy, personal, political reasons.This always happened on accounta the chieftain was a wuss. "Let's ghoulishly speculate how this affects Kerry's chances on Tuesday! While unnecessarily byzantine ballots such as Montgomery County's may shave off a chunk of the easily-frustrated vote, a good portion of the elderly and the ignorant could still figure out how to vote. They can skeletonize a cow in under thirty seconds! "Which is why forest-farmers milk bears for honey - or as it is technically known, hunny.""Your forest farmers will be helpless before the onslaught of moon-wolves! "They will fatten themselves on hunny and come prowling for us! "But I'm not sure about fat signs." To test this I start feedin ham to a Bible."Your fat books can't save us from portents! "Only another sign can do that.""I've only got this llama," says me. And who better to take the reins of the State Department - and stand for reconciliation with our allies - than that representation of dignity, diplomacy and grace, Mr. Indeed, in time it may become possible that the distance between President Bush's ideas and his reality becomes so vast that he achieves pure abstraction - so that he himself is an idea, leading America not from the White House but from the Platonic Realm of Forms, where with but a thought he can eradicate the concept of Terror altogether. Pickin a president is real serious work an while we do it we must weigh real serious questions. How often should he wear rolled-up flannel shirts to demonstrate his folksiness? "Your miserable wage-slave existence is a proud an shinin star in Old Glory, Chris! His son went on to build Versailles as a charmin weekend getaway. Your job will most likely be boring, repetitive, demeaning, and will vastly shorten your free time, your life expectancy, and your ability to get a better job. If you work real hard you can "climb the ladder" an get paid even more to do more boring, repetitive, demeaning tasks! Your boss's job is to make sure you spend as much of your life as possible at your job! At times it will turn its back on you an you will cry "Money, why hast thou forsaken me? How will he handle Schieffer's hard-hittin "If God was a tree what kinda tree would he be" question? I mean, sure, both men love their wives and their families. It puts politics ahead of national security even while claiming to be a national security pumpkin patch! "An I'm gonna go inside an get some cocoa.""Giblets is gonna wait all election night if he has to! This is pretty much what happened in Borneo back in the fifties. An will those undecided dogs lean closer to a Bush vote or a Kerry vote? "Our FDA must evaluate their witch doctor medicine," he says.