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As a therapist, this is a good sign because he or she is ready to negotiate for what he or she needs – rather than accepting anything to get his or her partner back – but for the couple it can be really unsettling. If you’re reached a dead end, how can you go back and find another way round? ”, it is not only exasperating but you’re reminding them that they don’t love you or need space.Key idea for saving your relationship: Setbacks and painful but they are not a problem if you can learn something from them. So I know it’s hard but please wait for them to talk about the future, your job is to make today’s interactions better.If your partner knows the rules for contact – and can have some input into deciding on them – he or she will find it much easier to cope.For example, you will meet up once a week and reply to one text a day.I’d like to turn round your question (“can a trial separation help a marriage?
How can we work on a marriage when we’re not together and can a trial separation help a marriage?
If you just fall into the same old traps or behave in the same old way, you’ll get the same old response and you know where that’s got you.
I suggest doing the opposite, so if you clam up, speak up. Lots of trial separations don’t work because the partner who needs space feels that that he or she doesn’t get it.
Key idea for saving your marriage: Live in today, this moment, right now – rather than worrying about the past or trying to guess the future. So every time, you feel yourself unravelling focus back down on NOW.
Enjoy the view from your window, the cup of tea that you’re drinking or that moment of peace before the kids get back from school (rather than forever being one step ahead and not really registering now). I’ve been doing this job for almost thirty years and I reckon I’ve seen over two thousand clients and I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t have set backs.
What makes trial separation’s so difficult is the uncertainty and to protect ourselves, we try and second guess our partner, think through how every move will be received (and end up over-thinking everything) and let our imagination run riot.